Essay of Application First Draft Post Write

1.  How do you feel about the paper so far? Please explain and offer evidence from the work.

So far I feel my paper is coming along very well, I feel like I have addressed the topic very well and that I have been descriptive enough especially in my first paragraph. “My name is Ashley, I am twenty years old, about to be twenty one on October twenty ninth.  I currently live in Assonet, Massachusetts with my family, but I am moving to Fall River, Massachusetts with my boyfriend within the next two months.  I live with my family which includes my mom, dad, three brothers, and two sisters. Most of my mom’s family also lives in Assonet so we all spend a lot of time together. My dads family lives all over the place, Syracuse, New York, Manchester, Maryland, and Enterprise, Alabama just to name a few. Every Christmas my dad’s side all comes together for the holiday at my grandpas in Syracuse. I have a boyfriend, Nicholas, who I have been with for over two years. He also lives in Assonet just down the street from me.” I think that so far this paper is a good first draft.

2. What remains to be done? Please be precise.

I think I still need to add more, the paper is a little short. The paragraph about my work experience could be a little longer. “I got my first job when I was 16 at Subway. I worked with my best friend Kat and that made the job really fun. I worked there for two and half years and then I got a job at Papa Gino’s as a Shift Leader. I worked there for a year, and now I work At Fall River Pawn Brokers in Fall River. This is a really fun job, I get to work with and meet a lot of very different people.” I can add some more to this paragraph, and I can also add another paragraph to the paper to make it longer.

3. What questions do you have for readers about the piece?

The only questions I have is do my paragraphs seem descriptive enough and am I repeating myself? Also, I want my paper to stand out, but I also want it to make sense so how do I do that without getting lost and getting away from what it is supposed to be about.