Write a narrative about your life. This should include information about your accomplishments, family, education experience, and outside activities. Be creative rather than philosophic. Remember that you are writing for a reader who knows nothing about your background.
- Boston University, graduate application
My name is Ashley, I am twenty years old, about to be twenty one on October twenty ninth. I currently live in Assonet, Massachusetts. I live with my family which includes my mom, dad, three brothers, and two sisters. There is a big age difference between us; we range from twenty-one to seven. Most of my mom’s family also lives in Assonet. My mom was also one of six, so I have a lot of aunts and uncles and cousins and we are all very close. My dads family lives all over the place, Syracuse, New York, Manchester, Maryland, and Enterprise, Alabama just to name a few. Every Christmas my dad’s side all comes together for the holiday at my grandpas in Syracuse. It’s really nice being able to get everyone together. And since my grandmother passed away three years ago, getting together means a lot more to everyone. I have a boyfriend, Nicholas, who I have been with for over two years. We are always doing stuff together and with our friends. We love to get together with my friends or his friends and go out to dinner or stay in and watch a movie, but no matter what it is we do always have fun.
I have gone to public schools all the way from kindergarten to high school. The town I live in is not very big so everyone knows everyone. I always had classes with the same people so everyone was friends. I always did well in school. I got mostly A’s and B’s. History and math were and still are my favorite subjects. It is just something about them that has always just come easy to me. I made honor role a few times when I was in high school. Now that I am at Bristol Community College I am majoring in Elementary Education. After I finish my two years here I would like to continue on at Bridgewater State College so I can become an elementary school teacher. I have wanted to be a teacher since I was a little kid. I would play school with my brother, he would be the student and I would be the teacher. Everyone always comments how I would make such a wonderful teacher, that I have the patience to be able to teach and that I always want to help people.
I got my first job when I was 16 at Subway. I worked with my best friend and that made the job really fun. It was a very easy job and I really liked everyone I worked with. I worked there for two and half years and then I got a job at Papa Gino’s as a Shift Leader. I made a lot of really good friends here. I had the best boss I have ever had here. She cared about everyone and she treated everyone equally. I worked there for a year, and now I work at Fall River Pawn Brokers in Fall River. This is a really fun job, I get to work with and meet a lot of very different people. My boyfriend also works there, but we work at different locations.
Hi Ashley:
ReplyDeleteThis reads fairly clear: that's good. And you do reveal a good deal about yourself.
But here's what I sense: you are so comfortable writing about yourself that you lose sight of the need to focus your attention for your reader's sake. I notice that your paragraphs seem to lack a clear topic sentence; instead a good many experiences are piled into individual paragraphs. Paragraph two is a good example. While I get that you are focusing on your educational experience, I note that you move into your dreams of becoming a teacher. Doesn't that deserve a paragraph of its own?
I'd also note the part of the prompt that asks you to be "creative." What do you think is meant by that?